btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
