I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
