left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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