I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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