A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
