I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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