My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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