My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
