Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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