I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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