i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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