Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
