I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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