LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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