He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
