I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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