wakey wakey hands off snakey
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
