Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
