That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
