now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have aggressive nipples.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
