do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
