the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
