Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
