he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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