I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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