There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
