ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
