you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
