My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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