pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
