people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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