all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
