D3 body, D1 cock
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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