i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
