You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
