and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
