So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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