WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
then he tried to convert me to islam
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
