I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
