guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
even my farts smell like vagina
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
