How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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