Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
