Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
