I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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