the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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