My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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