haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
