I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
this hospital has no fireball
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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