best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
