maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
