so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
