sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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