I wannas sexs uuuuu
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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