TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
